So here I am. Sitting on a gurney in the emergency room.

Should I express my disdain for my primary care doctor? Or my chiropractor? or both?!

I awoke on Thursday with what seemed to be a deep cough.  Throughout the day I felt worse.  I went so far as to predict I wouldn't be at work Friday and that I likely had bronchitis.

And I was right.

And wrong.

I woke up Friday feeling crappy & did send an email to my supervisor letting him know I would be out due to illness.  I had had the presence of mind on Thursday to make a doctor's appointment for Friday morning.  Yay me.  Whatever.  The doc confirmed what I thought I had - bronchitis.

I got my prescription filled - ONLY $193 - thanks doc - and then went home to two little girls (dh is out of town) who attempted to take care of me over the course of the day by making jello, chicken noodle soup, ramen noodles, and hot apple cider.

I managed to wake in time for my chiro appt.  I knew I should have canceled.  But I didn't.  I went in the hopes of alleviating the pain I knew I should be feeling as a result of lying in a very tense position (while trying to avoid coughing).

And at the chiro appt, the doc again said I should bring in my girls to get their immune systems in alignment.

Uh, doc, you 'aligned' my immune system 12 hours BEFORE I started this nasty cough.  And now you're aligning it 36 hours AFTER I started hacking up a lung and it's phlegmy contents. And AFTER a medical doc diagnosed bronchitis.

How come immediately AFTER your alignment I developed a nasty case of diarrhea? Yeah, I know you'll probably try to tell me it was my body getting rid of some toxins.

Whatever.

I still ended up in the emergency room on Saturday.  24 hours AFTER your 'immunity alignment' -- being diagnosed with H1N1, getting two breathing treatments, steroids, and a painkiller to help me stop coughing.  If I'd waited for another 'immunity alignment' I'd probably be DEAD! My oxygen sats were in the 50s.  THANKS!

Dear Chiropractor, you SUCK!

Oh, I won't be seeing you again.  Enjoy your flakey self-righteous life with your son who has never had an illness or a vaccine.  Doorknob.

Oh yeah, and primary care doc?  Thanks for not bothering to check to see if I had H1N1.  As a result of your inefficiency, I wasted $193.  You may have that kind of money to throw away, but I DON'T!!!

School Science Fair

My class is having a science fair and I really need a good idea for mine and A's project.  I was thinking about doing a memory test for a couple of different age groups, but I am not sure.  Let me know if you have any ideas or comments about this!  :)

Random. Just Random.

Things overheard:

12:30pm  "Hey, you foreigner!"  (heard from a co-worker possessing his own Indian accent)

11:20am  "Aaa Schoon!  BM!"  (Niece-ling called to tell me she went potty on her own little potty--Yay Niece-ling!!!)

10:25am
supervisor-type-person:  "So, I don't understand.  You renumbered this chapter because....?"
me:  "There were duplicate entries.  12.02 and 12.02.  So I renumbered the area following the initial entry."
supervisor-type-person:  "Okay.  Let me look at this...why is this a different number?"
**gah!!!!!**

8:59pm  "Oh man.  I put my underpants on inside out again." 

7:40pm  "Waaaaah.  That reminds me of D______ and D________....I miss them so much!" (in reference to a Mickey Mouse Clubhouse promo)

12:10pm  "Mom, I just wanted to let you know I can't open my medicine bottle.  That's all.  Bye."  (this was from the twin with the 22 day sinus infection on her 3rd antibiotic)

8:55pm  "Mom, the TV won't work!"  (because they'd entered the wrong PIN# on the cable box a few too many times)


And I thought the conversations got less interesting once they spoke English (as opposed to babbling pseudo-English as toddlers)!

Hey it's Crab again

Hi, it's almost fall break and I am still sick, if you didn't know it I have been sick since October 1st. I can't believe that it's almost Halloween already! I am going to be mismatched for Halloween and Yell is going to be either a hippie, a weirdo, or a hippieweirdo. Fun stuff!

mixed up

I can't wait till winter; but when it comes I'll hate it.

Sickness in the 6th grade

Wow.  My computer teacher said that the 6th grade started getting the whole school sick, and basically everyone in my class agrees.  I especially agree because our classes are the ones that started the swine flu virus. In my sister's class of 29, 15 were out sick last week.

I do not feel good.  I have been sick for the past 11-16 days.  Yay.  I am so excited, can't you see my enthusiasm.  It's totally non-existent enthusiasm if you can't tell.  I wish I could feel better.  Tell me if you feel the same way.

Understanding Underwear

As I was leaving work yesterday, I realized I hadn't worn a jacket or coat.

::mental head slap::

me:  "Oh my gosh, I forgot to wear a jacket this morning.  I'm an idiot."

co-worker:  "I can do better than that.  I forgot more than my jacket yesterday..."

me:  "Yeah, but yesterday didn't you wake up at 6:28 and had to have your kid at the bus stop by 6:45?"

co-worker:  "Yeah, but this is pretty good."

Co-worker went on to explain that while in the bathroom, at some point in the workday, co-worker had realized that the tag of the underwear they were wearing was...in front.

Yep.  An adult.  Put their underwear on backward.  This co-worker also explained that they had sent a text message to their spouse asking for advice on the situation.

I'd say that was a bit of a hectic morning (but I was glad for the story, it was the highlight of my workday)!


But it reminded me of going to a bridal shower a few years ago.  The bride-to-be had left the room to use the facilities.  All of the other women chatted & visited, but did notice she took a while to return.  Upon her return, she said, "I don't know what your husband's like...but Matt likes these thong things..." and we started laughing immediately.  "I was going to the bathroom and figured out that the label was on the side of my hip.  So I had to take off my pants to put them on the right way.  But I couldn't figure it out..."

To think anyone is slender enough to put their hips through the leg hole of a pair of underwear...yowza.


And then I remembered watching my little niece Nallie a few months ago.  The Chicklets had gotten her dressed for church; diaper, top, bottom, socks, shoes.  I remember noticing it was a little difficult to strap her into her car seat, but didn't make an issue of it and we all got to church on time.  While at church, though, Nallie wanted to sit facing me on my lap.  But she was having a tough time straddling my lap (and I'm not *that* much overweight, I swear).  While shifting her position, I realized her legs wouldn't come apart...oops.

Both legs through the same hole of her outfit.


Last underwear story of the day -- I hope.

My girlfriend had triplet girls eleven months after I had my twin girls.  R used to take "the babies" to their grandmother's house so she could attend church in peace (I totally understand this)!  One Sunday R got baby A dressed in her dress/pants, baby B dressed in her dress/pants, and baby C in her dress...couldn't find the coordinating pants that went with the dress.  Searched and searched, couldn't find the coordinating pants that went with the dress.  Gave up and put on another pair of pants, took the babies to their grandmother's house, then took the two older girls to church.

Upon her return to the grandmother's house, she found a laughing grandmother.  Apparently one of 'the babies' had needed a diaper change and Grandmother had found the pants!

R, in her sleep-deprived-half-crazed-gotta-get-out-the-door-to-church state had clothed baby A or baby B in TWO pairs of the coordinating pants.  How's that for efficiency?!

crummy

Hey, I am sickly and tired and my throat hurts really bad.

Oh my aching back!

Way back in my not-so-distant past, I fell off a ladder.

When I fell (such an amazing demonstration of poise & grace), I not only landed on my back in a searing blaze of pain, but also nearly decapitated my husband by bringing down the ladder on top of both of us.

::sigh::

Sapper had the presence of mind to insist I take a walk (with out hyperactive dog) to keep my muscles moving.  For that I am grateful.  The next day I was sore, but was able to move.

When I say I was sore, I should mention the parts of me that were *not* sore.  Hmm.  My nose.  My ears.  My eyes.  Everything else hurt.

I couldn't move my neck (whiplash?) and head.  I had bruises on both arms.  I especially remember the pulled muscle feeling inside my right thigh.  I was moving so slowly that our choir director didn't recognize me walking through the school parking lot!

Anyway, fast forward to eight days later when I went to donate platelets.  Crab n Yell's school participated in a blood drive but I was ineligible to donate whole blood because I'd done so less than a month previously.  blah blah blah so I talked to the blood center & they said they reallllllly need my platelets.

I thought I was doing alright.  Honestly.  I was still a little stiff and sore, but thought my back would get better over time.

I was really wrong.

These bed things they have at the blood center are pretty comfy.  I've been tempted to nap in them more than once.  But on the 12th I laid on the bed for approximately eight minutes before realizing my back hurt -- a lot.  The phlobotomists noticed something awry (moving my legs incessantly? moans of pain?) and after a little bit of conversation gave me the phone number of a chiropractor.

I managed to see the doc that afternoon.

Good news?  My back isn't broken.

Bad news?  The doc says I have a bulging disk.  And 3 or 4 vertebrae out of alignment.  And they're putting pressure on my sciatic nerve.  (I saw the x-ray, didn't see what the doc was talking about.  But I'm not a doc, nor do I pretend to be one.)

Weird news?  At the appointment for my 'adjustment' on Tuesday, the doc suggested I'd need treatments every day for two weeks, and that after 'two months' I should be pain free.  Yike.

Weirder news?  At my appointment Wednesday, the doc offered to 'adjust the kids' backs to get their immune systems in alignment' after giving them each a free sample of chewable vitamin C.

What?

Freaky-might-make-me-switch-doctors-news?  The doc then said, "Watch out for flu shots and antibiotics.  Toxic!"

The chix said, "Was he serious?"

---

Anyone know a tactful way to switch chiropractors without having to talk to the weird one ever again?

How to go camping without being there

I love my husband dearly.  I am completely in awe of his abilities to perform small but daunting tasks (fix the broken light fixture in the hallway), larger labor-intensive jobs (remove a cabinet, plumb & install the dishwasher), craftsmanship (design & build the floor-to-ceiling bookshelves in our home) and general household maintenance (strip & paint the back deck).

But sometimes I wonder how he gets along without me.

---

Ring.  Ring.

me: "______, this is Susan."

person: "mumblemumblemumble"

me:  "This is Susan."

person:  "Suz!"

me:  "Oh, hi, try not to mumble next time."

Ironman:  "I'm not trying to...mumblemumble...(men's voices)...how do you get the awning up?"

me:  "Seriously?"

Ironman:  "Yes, seriously...mumblemumble...I need you to talk me through it."

me:  "Oh, gad, let me remember.  Okay, go to the arms & unscrew the black travel locks on the back."

Ironman:  mumblemumble..."Unscrew those black things!"

me:  "But don't take them off!  Just loosen them.  Then take the hook and flip the lever down.  On the far right."

Ironman:  "The silver metal? or the gray metal?"

me:  "What?!  The lever - at the top right - very top - by the awning.  And then flip the arm levers."

Ironman:  "mumblemumble...here, talk to KD."

KD:  "Hey, how's it going?"

me:  "Is this a clusterPu(k or what?"

KD:  "Hey, watch your language now! Are those arms supposed to be in two pieces?"

me:  "What?!  Is he using the pull bar to pull the awning out?"

KD:  "It's not pulling out."

me:  "What do you mean?  Is the arm taken apart?  Did he flip the switch down?  Did he flip the arm up?"

background:  mumblemumble...men's voices...click...click...click...men's voices

Ironman in the background:  "It's not moving out...tell her it isn't coming out."

me:  "Tell him to flip the switch down again.  And the arms up."

KD:  "She says to flip it again..."

in the background, click...men's voices...click....click...

Ironman in the background:  "It's not...hey, you have to flip these things up...why didn't she tell me..."

me:  "I did tell him!"

KD:  "She says she did tell you.  Man, I'm telling you, if Julie told me, she probably did and that's it."

me:  "Is it extending?"

in the background:  clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick

KD:  "Yeah, it's working."

me:  "OK, once it's out you have to lock it using the levers on the inside of the arms."

KD:  "Yeah, we got it."

me:  "Have you guys got it?  Do you know what to do next?"

KD:  "Yeah, I think so."

me:  "OK, tell him to call me when he needs to retract it."

I'm awaiting a fun phone call on Sunday when Ironman is done with his relay race and everyone is exhausted.  Something involving Kentucky, our camper, a bunch of Army guys, and Bourbon(???). 

Fun times ahead....

---

Of course, in his defense, I can't start the lawn mower.