this is getting good

Two weekends ago, I was lucky enough to have my niece and nephew for the weekend. My sister and her husband are preparing for a new arrival (yay, another little cuddler!) as well as trying to move into a new/old house! Tra la tra la, Nieceling has the sniffles. Not a big deal. The last THREE TIMES she's spent the night at my house, Nieceling has had a cold/cough/germs-in-general.

Or so we thought.

Sunday night, after returning Nieceling & Scooby to their loving mother's van, I felt bad. I went to bed early, but attributed it to having had less-than-adequate sleep. What? You're used to a toddler sleeping until 7am? I'm not! I enjoy sleeping 'late' on weekends when I have the opportunity!

Anyway. What was I thinking...? Oh. Crab felt tired, too, so she laid down with me. On Monday she went to school & I went to work. Yell went to school. Ironman went to work. Crab went to her volleyball practice. Yell went to her swim practice. But by the end of the evening, Crab & I were both under the weather.

To make this long story short, we found out seven days later (Sunday afternoon) (four days ago) that we each had a sinus infection.

Oh. And my sister's daughter? She had a sinus infection.

What's this? You wonder about the rest of her family? Scooby had a fever for one day. But Helmet, dad of the two little darlings, felt bad last Tuesday night, felt worse the next morning, went to the doctor...and tested positive for H1N1!

No kidding - H1N1 a year after the big old swine flu scare. Way to buck a trend, Helmie!

Worse news? My sis has a raging cold the following Tuesday.

Worst news ever? She tested positive for H1N1 yesterday.

Not kidding. My nine-month-pregnant sister, due any minute (actually, due Sunday), has the swine flu. If she delivers before Tuesday, she won't be able to hold her own baby!?!!

This isn't sounding comical at all. Hang on. It gets funny.

While at the after-hours clinic with Crab, at the checkout area, Crab noticed a sign about 'labs, blood draws, pap smears' etc not being billed with the doctor visit.

She asked,

What's a pap smear?

me,

Uh, not something you want me to explain right now.

Crab,

Mom, come on, just tell me! What's a pap smear?

me,

Uh, well, it involves a woman laying on a table...

Crab,

Mom, that's enough, I don't need to hear anymore, Mom, STOP!!!

End of discussion.

Or so I thought.

Today, while attempting to cheer up my sister, I tell her that I was sincerely looking forward to coming to take care of her in the morning. I was planning to make two soups, put them in the fridge for warmup later, do some laundry, coddle & pamper her as much as I could.

Except she's nine months pregnant. And she'll need to get out of bed every 20 minutes to go to the bathroom. We started laughing & I said it could only get better if I had a bed pan to offer.

Kake says,

Oh, wait, a catheter would be awesome!

Believe me, when you're nine months pregnant they start to sound good. Especially if any movement you make causes you to start coughing. Which could potentially start a leak. Are you getting the idea?

Anyway, Crab was listening.

What's a catheter?

me,

Crab, not now, honey, I'll explain it later.

Kake & I continue our chatting. All of the sudden we hear,

OH MY GOSH! That's GROSS!

Kake and I are both laughing & find out that she's googled the meaning of catheter. Then Crab stifles a small scream and yells that she's also looked up pap smear!

Ahhhh, the wonders of the Internet age. I know I knew zero about pap smears until I went to my first OB/GYN visit!

Anyway, Crab was stalling about going to bed, I was stalling about doing dishes, and Kake was trying to say goodbye so she could go to bed and get some rest for herself and the wriggler. I told Crab to say goodbye. Kake said:

Hey Crab.

Crab,

what?

Kake,

pap smear

And Crab was...


gone.





This parenting thing is getting good.