Overheard

"It was really weird to see how our gym teacher coordinated her tshirt with her sweatpants with her shoes with her tramp stamp."

My Very Weird Life

My life. It is probably weirder than a lot of peoples' combined. Then again, I'm a lot weirder than a lot of people combined. Come to think about it, my life reflects me. Its hectic and crazy and mind-boggling! Take this for example:
The other day I had very little homework and was bored out of my mind so I started cleaning. Cleaning! Of all of the other things I could have done I started cleaning!

That just proves to you how exceptionally insane I am!

So there you have it, another brilliant entry from the mind of Kelly H, yet as I am writing this I am becoming more and more increasingly aware that I am writing this on a day when I have no homework, so that tells you another thing. I write when I am bored. Great. Just great. I did start writing so that I could talk about how crazy my life has been, but it just turned out to be another classic rant.
I'm like one of those starving artists, but instead I'm an off-topic writer. That's nice way to put it. I am an off-topic writer.

Okay so now that I have forced you to read my rant, I am going to bid you goodbye.
Bye!

I am pregnant...hear me whimper

Oh good Lord, NO! I am NOT pregnant.

But I was at the time.

I was home on maternity leave - bed rest - restricted activity - whatever you want to call it. This was thirteen years ago and my chicklets were still a twinkle in my eye and a large lump in my abdomen.

I needed to get out of the house. The doctor had advised I go to the Y and swim. After trying it just once, I was hooked. These little boogers put so much strain on my bod, the effect of being pseudo-weightless even while completely and mortifyingly LARGE in the torso? Hea. Ven. Ly. Heavenly. Absolutely pure, inexplicable heaven.

Who cared that I got to know all of the lifeguards by name (due to the number of contractions I'd have while halfway through the deep end of the pool). Who cared that I'd swim the slooooooowest laps in the world (because of course, this was only allowed during lap swim, and I wasn't allowed to float, I had to SWIM)! Who cared that I'd stay in the water until the last possible second and then HEAVE myself out of the water to blunder to the bathroom to relieve my increasingly stressed bladder. Not me.

The Y saved my sanity.

Except...this one time...

I grabbed my gear. Grabbed my purse. Grabbed my swimsuit. Grabbed my towel. Grabbed everything!

Except the keys.

8.5 months pregnant with twins. And I'm locked out of my house.

Of course, this is pre-commonly-accessible-mobile-phone days, so I didn't have a phone. Or a key. I couldn't leave the house, because I didn't have a car key. But I couldn't get in the house, either.

So I scanned the house. I knew the gates were locked. The little crappers in the neighborhood opened the gates and let our dogs loose if we left the the gates unlocked. But I checked anyway. And I was right. They were locked. Safe and snug were my doggies - behind the gates - inside the house - locked up tight. Yep, I was thorough. Thoroughly stuck. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't get over the ding-dang fence.

So...went to the guest room window (we lived in a ranch-style-house at the time). Locked.

Went to the chix soon-to-be-bedroom window. Locked.

Went to the living room window. Locked.

Like I could heave myself up into an open window? Even if the window was open, the lower ledge was boob-height. This monstrous belly sticking out in front of me? Leaving me with less than one-inch of lap? How freaking ridiculous was I?!?

Apparently not ridiculous enough.

After being outside - in a coat because it's April after all - in Indiana - where snow is still a possibility in May - for roughly TWO HOURS and seeing no neighbors I know (or want to know?) I decided to hoof it down to a house where I see activity. Oh yeah, I got to tell my sob story to someone I don't even know.
This was NOT the lovely water I had imagined, remembered, longed for. Definitely not.

Turns out, after explaining my freakingly fantastic story to the person who answered the door, they don't live there. They're "watching" the house for their friend while their friend's windows are being installed. And then I got to explain the whole goofball story AGAIN to this random neighbor, whom I've never met, over the phone. And they graciously (grudgingly?) gave me permission to use their phone.

So I called my two neighbors who lived on either side of me. Only one had a key to my house. But neither was home (which I already knew). And of course, since I didn't carry a planner (hello, maternity leave? bed rest? 1998? thanks, glad you're still with me!), I didn't know how else to contact them.

I called my husband on HIS mobile phone. But he was working "in the field" so didn't know or even hear that I called.

Poop. Back to waiting on my front steps for Ironman to hopefully show up...sometime before dark?

Wait wait wait. Bored bored bored.

Except, about 30 minutes later, one of the workers from the pseudo-neighbor's house came down. I felt a little weird. Here's me and my monstro-pregnant belly, hanging out on my front steps because I have nowhere else to go, and here's this strange guy walking down the street.

::gulp::

He said he'd heard my whole situation and wanted to see if he could help me.

::gulp:: Oh screw it.

Cue Hallelujah Chorus!

errrrrr, well, maybe.

I explained the window thing - yep, I was paranoid enough to have locked ALL of my windows in my house. And the gates. And yes, the front door. But...there was a chance I'd forgotten to lock the back door. The one that leads out into the padlocked back yard. Where I couldn't get my pregnant belly. Because I couldn't climb the fence. Because I was uber-pregnant. With twins.

So random pseudo-stranger offered to check.

And then he hopped the fence. Easy as pie. (and yes, I could do it now - because I'm no longer monstro-the-whale)

Pseudo Stranger: "Um, ma'am?"

Me: "Yes?"

PS: "Um, your windows are locked back here. Do you want me to check your door?"

Me: "Yes, PLEASE!" (because at this point, though I had used the bathroom at pseudo-neighbor's house, I was desperate, people! I reallllllly needed to use it AGAIN)

PS: "Um, ma'am?"

Me: wriggling nervously, trying not to wet my pants "Yes?"

PS: walks around the corner of the house to the gate and says, "Um, ma'am, the back door is unlocked. What do you want me to do?"

Me: "oh my gosh, just walk in. Just walk in. When you walk in, you'll be in the laundry room. Turn left and the front door will be straight ahead of you!"

PS: "Are you sure?"

Me: attempting to hold onto my dignity "Yes, whatever you need to do, just please, thank you, please go straight through."

And he did.



And THAT is how I didn't escape to the Y. Because after all of that, the chicklets and I needed a bathroom. And a nap.

you have to imagine this being said by a friend who has a lilting Bengali accent

Me:

I have a headache.

Co-worker:

Aren't you glad?

Me, completely confused:

Wha...?

Co-worker:

You should be glad you have a headache. It makes you aware you have a head!

Good grief, this woman can make me laugh.

this is getting good

Two weekends ago, I was lucky enough to have my niece and nephew for the weekend. My sister and her husband are preparing for a new arrival (yay, another little cuddler!) as well as trying to move into a new/old house! Tra la tra la, Nieceling has the sniffles. Not a big deal. The last THREE TIMES she's spent the night at my house, Nieceling has had a cold/cough/germs-in-general.

Or so we thought.

Sunday night, after returning Nieceling & Scooby to their loving mother's van, I felt bad. I went to bed early, but attributed it to having had less-than-adequate sleep. What? You're used to a toddler sleeping until 7am? I'm not! I enjoy sleeping 'late' on weekends when I have the opportunity!

Anyway. What was I thinking...? Oh. Crab felt tired, too, so she laid down with me. On Monday she went to school & I went to work. Yell went to school. Ironman went to work. Crab went to her volleyball practice. Yell went to her swim practice. But by the end of the evening, Crab & I were both under the weather.

To make this long story short, we found out seven days later (Sunday afternoon) (four days ago) that we each had a sinus infection.

Oh. And my sister's daughter? She had a sinus infection.

What's this? You wonder about the rest of her family? Scooby had a fever for one day. But Helmet, dad of the two little darlings, felt bad last Tuesday night, felt worse the next morning, went to the doctor...and tested positive for H1N1!

No kidding - H1N1 a year after the big old swine flu scare. Way to buck a trend, Helmie!

Worse news? My sis has a raging cold the following Tuesday.

Worst news ever? She tested positive for H1N1 yesterday.

Not kidding. My nine-month-pregnant sister, due any minute (actually, due Sunday), has the swine flu. If she delivers before Tuesday, she won't be able to hold her own baby!?!!

This isn't sounding comical at all. Hang on. It gets funny.

While at the after-hours clinic with Crab, at the checkout area, Crab noticed a sign about 'labs, blood draws, pap smears' etc not being billed with the doctor visit.

She asked,

What's a pap smear?

me,

Uh, not something you want me to explain right now.

Crab,

Mom, come on, just tell me! What's a pap smear?

me,

Uh, well, it involves a woman laying on a table...

Crab,

Mom, that's enough, I don't need to hear anymore, Mom, STOP!!!

End of discussion.

Or so I thought.

Today, while attempting to cheer up my sister, I tell her that I was sincerely looking forward to coming to take care of her in the morning. I was planning to make two soups, put them in the fridge for warmup later, do some laundry, coddle & pamper her as much as I could.

Except she's nine months pregnant. And she'll need to get out of bed every 20 minutes to go to the bathroom. We started laughing & I said it could only get better if I had a bed pan to offer.

Kake says,

Oh, wait, a catheter would be awesome!

Believe me, when you're nine months pregnant they start to sound good. Especially if any movement you make causes you to start coughing. Which could potentially start a leak. Are you getting the idea?

Anyway, Crab was listening.

What's a catheter?

me,

Crab, not now, honey, I'll explain it later.

Kake & I continue our chatting. All of the sudden we hear,

OH MY GOSH! That's GROSS!

Kake and I are both laughing & find out that she's googled the meaning of catheter. Then Crab stifles a small scream and yells that she's also looked up pap smear!

Ahhhh, the wonders of the Internet age. I know I knew zero about pap smears until I went to my first OB/GYN visit!

Anyway, Crab was stalling about going to bed, I was stalling about doing dishes, and Kake was trying to say goodbye so she could go to bed and get some rest for herself and the wriggler. I told Crab to say goodbye. Kake said:

Hey Crab.

Crab,

what?

Kake,

pap smear

And Crab was...


gone.





This parenting thing is getting good.

Hi darlin, there's nothing wrong, but I need to know...

where do we keep the vacuum cleaner?

How did I know not to believe him?

The day started out cold and snowy.  I was lucky that Ironman was at home with the girls.  Twins being hyperactive at home on a snowy day is one thing.  Twins being hyperactive at home with Daddy is a totally different animal.

So Ironman calls me at work and asks me where we keep the vacuum cleaner.  Yes, everyone, I did roll my eyes.  He couldn't see me!

me:  It's in the hall closet.

Sapper:  Which one?

me:  Not the front hall closet, not the glass pantry, the back hall closet.  By the garage door.  Across from the laundry room.  (And no, our house isn't that big, we just have a plethora of doors in the hallway on the first floor.  Eight doorways, but only five doors.  And one of those doors is to the bathroom.  Anyway, I digress.)

Ironman:  OK, thanks.

me:  Wait, why do you need the vacuum cleaner?

Ironman:  No reason, thanks!  ::click::

Hmmm, made me wonder.

You really want to know what happened, don't you?

Well, first of all, I should start out by saying that the reason Ironman stayed home was to work on our non-functioning toilet.  It seems that minutes before we were to leave for a Superbowl Party, I got up from the potty to see that there was water on the floor in front of the base.  Yes, I can be a little rushed in my pre-party prepping, but I didn't miss the toilet completely I promise!  I reached back behind the commode and turned off the valve and called to Ironman about the issue.  He checked to see that I had done the right thing (I had) and said to ignore it 'til we got home.

So we did.

Several days later, thanks to my ultra-savvy husband, we suspected that the flange was being held down by only ONE BOLT.  And that the flange had absolutely ZERO connection with any studs under the toilet.

Yep, yet another mystery found under our house.

Fast forward to the snowy day at hand.  Ironman stayed home and made eggs for the Chicklets for their breakfast.  Apparently he thought Dixie-the-wonder-pup (DTWP), would enjoy licking out the eggshells.  She did!  And then she crushed them in her jaws leaving eggshells all over the floor.  So he attempted to vacuum up the shards of shell using the handheld vacuum (which was of course clogged with debris) and the shards scattered throughout the dining area of our not-so-large home!

No reason to panic, just call to find out where we keep the vacuum before wifey-pooh gets home, right?

Yeah.  That worked.  We've lived in this house three years, but he doesn't know where we keep the vacuum cleaner...

Anyway, after he finished that interesting little project, he donned his 'going to work under the house' gear and smashed himself down into the crawlspace, together with a twin and DTWP.  He found that he was correct in his assessment of the plumbing problem.  The flange is attached by only one bolt, and there are no studs located near the commode.  Huh.  The toilet never should have been installed where it was installed.  ::insert eyeroll::  Thank you oh-so-excellent-builders!

As he was coming back up out of the crawlspace, he realized he had the opportunity to get the flashlight he left under the house about six months previous.  Wahoo - another valid reason to be under the house!  He returned to the scene of that plumbing experience, found his errant flashlight, and started to come back up to daylight.  At this point, he realized he didn't have DTWP.  He called to her, but she didn't come back from hunting critters.  He called again and heard nothing.  He had Yell call to her and Yell got a whimper.

Hmmm.

He sent Yell in the direction of DTWP's voice and she was found.  Over the sill of our house, down in a cistern!  Yell got her hands behind the dog's front legs, gave a little heave, and DTWP bounded up, over Yell's back on her way to freedom.  Hooray for the scrawny twin!  Bet you think the story ends here.

Nope.

At this point in the day this is what I know personally:  Ironman has been at home with the girls.  He's asked the whereabouts of the vacuum cleaner.  But that's all the information I have.  It gets better.  I came home to find a relatively cleared driveway.

Doesn't it look nice?  Snow had been pushed out of the way, nice soft white, fluffy snow...

Yep, Sapper did a great...job...with the basketball net?

Huh.  Looks like the snowblower and the basketball net had a little fight.

And apparently...the snowblower won.

Church Shoes

Sometimes, when you're young, you feel like dressing up for church.



Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Girls?

Apparently my twins are quite the popular young ladies ::snort::  They've been mother's helpers again this summer for a set of twin boys (27 mos) and their now 7-month-old brother.  Too funny that the big boys are requesting their presence (and too sweet).  I'm glad they all get along.

---

From: JKG

Date: Fri, 30 Jul 2010 13:00:51 -0400

To: Suz

Subject: Girls?

I love your kids but if I hear Abby? Kelly? Abby? Kelly? one more time, I think I am going to scream! 

Star Wars Trivia

From: Nacho
Date: Sat, Jul 3, 2010 at 4:29 PM
Subject: Star wars
To: Kake, Suz, T, UB


JJ's star wars characters knowledge. Guess that character...

Dark mold
Open one kenoby
Luke Sty rocker

---

From: Kake

Date: Tue, 06 Jul 2010at 10:39AM

To: Nacho; Suz; T; UB

Subject: Re: Star wars

Who's Dark Mold??!

---

From: UB

Date: Tue, 06 Jul 2010 13:47:58 -0400

To: Kake

Cc: Nacho; Suz; T

Subject: Re: Star wars

So...I'm assuming that Dark Mold's sith master is Dark Vader? And futhermore, is there a Closed One Kenoby?

---

From: Suz

Date: Jul 6, 2010, 1:59 PM

To: Kake, T, UB, Nacho

Actually I assumed there was an Open Two Kenobi. And Kake, you need some lessons in Star Wars personalities :\

---

From: UB

Date: Tue, 06 Jul 2010 14:02:02 -0400

To: Kake

Cc: Nacho; Suz; T

Subject: Re: Star wars

Yeah Kake...does Scooby even know who Dark Mold is?

---

From: Kake

Date: Tue, 06 Jul 2010 3:12 PM

To: Nacho; Suz; T; UB

Subject: Re: Star wars

Alas, he does not. And for now, I am OK with that. Those dumba** Transformers are taking up enough space in our house right now.

---

The Hunky Husband Survey

This was so fun (found it here) I had to do my own!


What is his name? Ironman (a.k.a. Steve)

How long have you been married? Holy cow. 18 years next month!

How long did you date? Hmm, before he asked me to marry him? 13 months. Before we got married? 22 months

How old is he? 43 (and still smokin')

Who eats more?   I respectfully refuse to answer that question on the grounds that if I answer it honestly I might not get another Christmas present ever!


Who said I love you first?   Teebs



Who is taller?   Ironman - by almost a foot


Who sings better?   for real singing? probably me. I think he'd be a great bass though. For fun singing, definitely Ironman (love to hear him warble out power ballads)!



Who is smarter? geez, when it comes to math-type-logic stuff, Ironman hands down. When it comes to literary crapola, that would be my ballgame.



Whose temper is worse? It depends on the day, usually his. Although today I would be an excellent match.


Who does the laundry? me ::sigh::


Who does the dishes? me ::bigger sigh::

Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? me


Who pays the bills? he makes the money, I pay the bills


Who mows the lawn? if he's in town? Ironman. If he's not, me.


Who cooks dinner? me (but give him a grill/campsite and it's hands-off-Suz!)


Who drives when you are together? depends on the task & the car
church = usually me, but if in Ironman's car=Ironman
grocery store = usually me
going camping = Ironman
road trip somewhere else = Ironman (usually)


Who is more stubborn? We are both VERY stubborn. Probably me though...


Who is the first to admit when they are wrong? Neither of us, we are always right. But on special occasions we will both admit we are wrong.

Whose parents do you see the most? Mostly mine (thanks for the loaner car, Pop!), Ironman's mom lives about 90 minutes away


Who has more friends? Oi. Ironman=lotsandlotsandlots of Army guys, me=lotsandlotsandlots of moms of multiples (if you count by kids, I'd probably win)


Who has more siblings?   I have 4 (little bro, little sis, little bro, way-taller-than-me-baby bro) - but thanks to Ironman's sister, I have a salutatorian high school graduate for a first-born nephew!

Was it love at first sight?   I don't know about love...but there was definitely a VERY strong attraction!  Whew.  Gotta go take a walk!

So sad...

I went to the eye doctor back in January.  It had been more than a year since my last visit.  The doc was great, figured out that my eyes are indeed oddballs, and took care of my prescription.  Yay for new contacts!

Ahem.

To clarify, oddballs = differently shaped.

To further clarify, differently shaped = two different shapes.

To clarify to the fullest?  two differently shaped eyeballs means two different BRANDS of contact lens.  And two different prescriptions.  (Yes, I'm legally blind, but that's another entirely long and rather boring story.)

My new doc was kind enough to mail my prescription to me - wahoo! - no 40+ mile drive to his office just to pick up two boxes of contact lenses.

---

Did I mention I'm legally blind?  

I did?

Ok, no big deal, just making sure you're paying attention.

---

Anyway, the doc mailed my scrip to me and I was oh-so-excited to receive them.  I eagerly opened the box and found two different brands (as expected), but no note within indicating which brand/lens was for which eye.  I puzzled about it, pondered, examined the boxes, flipped them all around, scoured these silly packages and found nothing.

That was in February.

So I kept reminding myself EVERY DAY to call the doc's office to see which contact lens I should switch to when my lenses wore out, and which one was for which eye.

And I kept forgetting.  And forgetting.

---

Have I ever mentioned that I have twin daughters who participate in multiple sports & I'm sucker enough to volunteer for board positions because I enjoy being able to make a difference where my kids and/or twins and/or multiples are involved?

Ok, maybe I didn't mention that part.

Anyway, I get sidetracked working on other stuff and frequently forget things like...phone calls to doctor's offices.  Like the one I made for my annual exam that was due May 21...and is now scheduled for July 8.

---

So, back to the contact lenses. 

I had searched these boxes and was unable to figure out which lens was for which eye.  And one night, after working on the deck project (another story to follow sometime in the future), I got some solvent in my eye, my lens promptly dried out and nearly fell out of my eye.  

Since I'd been wearing the same lenses the doc gave me (back in January)(have you noticed the date? in case you haven't, it's JUNE) I thought I'd better pull them out and toss them and give one last shot at the box to maybe be able to figure out which lens was which and how on earth to put the right prescription into the proper eye (yes, I've done it wrong before)(and it resulted in a migraine).

And guess what?  

I'm old.

Happy birthday to me!

We Catholics Believe in Sharing

My uncle shared this story with me.  I wish 'Our Lady of Hospitality' would have gotten video. 

Believe it or not? 'Our Lady of Hospitality' came home from work today and while standing at the counter in the kitchen heard a noise out back on the deck. So she went to check it out and noticed an opossum. I had seen one in the yard the day befor but didn't make much of it because they are plentiful around here but had never been seen on the deck.


The funny part ... the varmint had found a bottle of chardonay cooling out there, chewed the seal off, got the cork out somehow or other and proceeded to have an afternoon libation. 'Our Lady of Hospitality' stood there watching the critter drain the bottle, licking it up as fast as he could.  He had tipped the bottle over on its side, and when it stopped flowing out he put his paw on the neck of the bottle and continued slurping it up until no more would come out.  Then he climbed off the deck and went over and laid down on the grass next to the house.  Guess he was a little under the influence. 

There went a good bottle of wine, but he was probably a happy camper the rest of the day.  He had wandered off by the time I came home, but 'Our Lady of Hospitality' was well entertained for a while.

So much for a short story?

Pop/T J/Uncle Popeye 

Thanks for sharing, Uncle Popeye!  And Our Lady of Hospitality, thanks for sharing your wine --  I'll bring a bottle next time I'm in town & we can commiserate over your loss  ;)

From the mouth of...Scooby

Last summer, Scooby put on his swimsuit to go outside to play with the chicklets.

"Hey look, it's a pocket to put my hand in!" he yelled gleefully.  Then he shoved his hand in the fly of his trunks.

From the Mouth of...

This is what Scooby sang to me at one point a few weeks ago:

Crab-Will you sing me a Christmas song buddy?
Scooby-No....Okay, fine.

He then continued singing I Wanna Wish You a Merry Christmas! A few verses later, he decided to change the words up a bit....

Scooby-I wanna wish you a merry bistmas from the bottom of my bismol!

Quote of the Weekend

So I thought I was going to make Sapper crack up when I told him the quote of the weekend.

Without mentioning names, I walked into the living room and said, "Hey, I have the quote of the weekend for you."  He looked away from the television.  Hmm, looked good, he was paying attention.

"Mommy, can we have a mini refrigerator in our room?"

Sapper cracked a smile and said, "When did Yell say that?"

Deflated, I responded, "When we were at Home Depot."

Apparently he knows our kids well.  The kid with the insatiable appetite is the likely candidate for the fridge request.

But my conversation with Yell got better.  I just flat out said, "NO!"

Yell:  But it would be great!  We could have our breakfast in our room.  We could have snacks.  We wouldn't have to come out at all!

me:  [momentarily pondering the silence of mornings that would ensue {yeah, right}]  Oh, and you think that would be a good thing?!!

Yell:  Yeah, we could bring all the dishes up to our room....

I'll let you know when we get the sink and dishwasher installed.  This is obviously a well thought out plan.

And if you believe that, I know a prince in Nigeria who'd like you to collect an inheritance.

Towels Are Inappropriate Climbing Gear

Once upon a time, there was a little girl.  This little girl was a little over 11-yrs-old.  She enjoyed singing with her friends, spelling class, and swim team.

One day this little girl came home from her swim practice.  She hadn't put on her clothes after practice because she only had her school clothes in her backpack.  So since she was wrapped in a towel, and she didn't want to open the gate that keeps her precious puppy from invading the upper regions of the house, she attempted to vault the gate.

And she got stuck.

"erkkk.  Halp?!"

Daddy to the rescue!

Silly Crab.

Dear Amazon...we need to have a talk...

Once upon a time we received a package.

And the chicklets were happy!

And the package was huge!

Or was it?

Hmmm....

You know, the item was surprisingly small.  Maybe we should have a talk about excessive packaging?

Because if a 65# 11-yr-old can fit in this box, I'd say the box was a little on the large side.

Understanding Underwear

As I was leaving work yesterday, I realized I hadn't worn a jacket or coat.

::mental head slap::

me:  "Oh my gosh, I forgot to wear a jacket this morning.  I'm an idiot."

co-worker:  "I can do better than that.  I forgot more than my jacket yesterday..."

me:  "Yeah, but yesterday didn't you wake up at 6:28 and had to have your kid at the bus stop by 6:45?"

co-worker:  "Yeah, but this is pretty good."

Co-worker went on to explain that while in the bathroom, at some point in the workday, co-worker had realized that the tag of the underwear they were wearing was...in front.

Yep.  An adult.  Put their underwear on backward.  This co-worker also explained that they had sent a text message to their spouse asking for advice on the situation.

I'd say that was a bit of a hectic morning (but I was glad for the story, it was the highlight of my workday)!


But it reminded me of going to a bridal shower a few years ago.  The bride-to-be had left the room to use the facilities.  All of the other women chatted & visited, but did notice she took a while to return.  Upon her return, she said, "I don't know what your husband's like...but Matt likes these thong things..." and we started laughing immediately.  "I was going to the bathroom and figured out that the label was on the side of my hip.  So I had to take off my pants to put them on the right way.  But I couldn't figure it out..."

To think anyone is slender enough to put their hips through the leg hole of a pair of underwear...yowza.


And then I remembered watching my little niece Nallie a few months ago.  The Chicklets had gotten her dressed for church; diaper, top, bottom, socks, shoes.  I remember noticing it was a little difficult to strap her into her car seat, but didn't make an issue of it and we all got to church on time.  While at church, though, Nallie wanted to sit facing me on my lap.  But she was having a tough time straddling my lap (and I'm not *that* much overweight, I swear).  While shifting her position, I realized her legs wouldn't come apart...oops.

Both legs through the same hole of her outfit.


Last underwear story of the day -- I hope.

My girlfriend had triplet girls eleven months after I had my twin girls.  R used to take "the babies" to their grandmother's house so she could attend church in peace (I totally understand this)!  One Sunday R got baby A dressed in her dress/pants, baby B dressed in her dress/pants, and baby C in her dress...couldn't find the coordinating pants that went with the dress.  Searched and searched, couldn't find the coordinating pants that went with the dress.  Gave up and put on another pair of pants, took the babies to their grandmother's house, then took the two older girls to church.

Upon her return to the grandmother's house, she found a laughing grandmother.  Apparently one of 'the babies' had needed a diaper change and Grandmother had found the pants!

R, in her sleep-deprived-half-crazed-gotta-get-out-the-door-to-church state had clothed baby A or baby B in TWO pairs of the coordinating pants.  How's that for efficiency?!