Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Hi darlin, there's nothing wrong, but I need to know...

where do we keep the vacuum cleaner?

How did I know not to believe him?

The day started out cold and snowy.  I was lucky that Ironman was at home with the girls.  Twins being hyperactive at home on a snowy day is one thing.  Twins being hyperactive at home with Daddy is a totally different animal.

So Ironman calls me at work and asks me where we keep the vacuum cleaner.  Yes, everyone, I did roll my eyes.  He couldn't see me!

me:  It's in the hall closet.

Sapper:  Which one?

me:  Not the front hall closet, not the glass pantry, the back hall closet.  By the garage door.  Across from the laundry room.  (And no, our house isn't that big, we just have a plethora of doors in the hallway on the first floor.  Eight doorways, but only five doors.  And one of those doors is to the bathroom.  Anyway, I digress.)

Ironman:  OK, thanks.

me:  Wait, why do you need the vacuum cleaner?

Ironman:  No reason, thanks!  ::click::

Hmmm, made me wonder.

You really want to know what happened, don't you?

Well, first of all, I should start out by saying that the reason Ironman stayed home was to work on our non-functioning toilet.  It seems that minutes before we were to leave for a Superbowl Party, I got up from the potty to see that there was water on the floor in front of the base.  Yes, I can be a little rushed in my pre-party prepping, but I didn't miss the toilet completely I promise!  I reached back behind the commode and turned off the valve and called to Ironman about the issue.  He checked to see that I had done the right thing (I had) and said to ignore it 'til we got home.

So we did.

Several days later, thanks to my ultra-savvy husband, we suspected that the flange was being held down by only ONE BOLT.  And that the flange had absolutely ZERO connection with any studs under the toilet.

Yep, yet another mystery found under our house.

Fast forward to the snowy day at hand.  Ironman stayed home and made eggs for the Chicklets for their breakfast.  Apparently he thought Dixie-the-wonder-pup (DTWP), would enjoy licking out the eggshells.  She did!  And then she crushed them in her jaws leaving eggshells all over the floor.  So he attempted to vacuum up the shards of shell using the handheld vacuum (which was of course clogged with debris) and the shards scattered throughout the dining area of our not-so-large home!

No reason to panic, just call to find out where we keep the vacuum before wifey-pooh gets home, right?

Yeah.  That worked.  We've lived in this house three years, but he doesn't know where we keep the vacuum cleaner...

Anyway, after he finished that interesting little project, he donned his 'going to work under the house' gear and smashed himself down into the crawlspace, together with a twin and DTWP.  He found that he was correct in his assessment of the plumbing problem.  The flange is attached by only one bolt, and there are no studs located near the commode.  Huh.  The toilet never should have been installed where it was installed.  ::insert eyeroll::  Thank you oh-so-excellent-builders!

As he was coming back up out of the crawlspace, he realized he had the opportunity to get the flashlight he left under the house about six months previous.  Wahoo - another valid reason to be under the house!  He returned to the scene of that plumbing experience, found his errant flashlight, and started to come back up to daylight.  At this point, he realized he didn't have DTWP.  He called to her, but she didn't come back from hunting critters.  He called again and heard nothing.  He had Yell call to her and Yell got a whimper.

Hmmm.

He sent Yell in the direction of DTWP's voice and she was found.  Over the sill of our house, down in a cistern!  Yell got her hands behind the dog's front legs, gave a little heave, and DTWP bounded up, over Yell's back on her way to freedom.  Hooray for the scrawny twin!  Bet you think the story ends here.

Nope.

At this point in the day this is what I know personally:  Ironman has been at home with the girls.  He's asked the whereabouts of the vacuum cleaner.  But that's all the information I have.  It gets better.  I came home to find a relatively cleared driveway.

Doesn't it look nice?  Snow had been pushed out of the way, nice soft white, fluffy snow...
Yep, Sapper did a great...job...with the basketball net?

Huh.  Looks like the snowblower and the basketball net had a little fight.
And apparently...the snowblower won.


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