How to go camping without being there

I love my husband dearly.  I am completely in awe of his abilities to perform small but daunting tasks (fix the broken light fixture in the hallway), larger labor-intensive jobs (remove a cabinet, plumb & install the dishwasher), craftsmanship (design & build the floor-to-ceiling bookshelves in our home) and general household maintenance (strip & paint the back deck).

But sometimes I wonder how he gets along without me.

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Ring.  Ring.

me: "______, this is Susan."

person: "mumblemumblemumble"

me:  "This is Susan."

person:  "Suz!"

me:  "Oh, hi, try not to mumble next time."

Ironman:  "I'm not trying to...mumblemumble...(men's voices)...how do you get the awning up?"

me:  "Seriously?"

Ironman:  "Yes, seriously...mumblemumble...I need you to talk me through it."

me:  "Oh, gad, let me remember.  Okay, go to the arms & unscrew the black travel locks on the back."

Ironman:  mumblemumble..."Unscrew those black things!"

me:  "But don't take them off!  Just loosen them.  Then take the hook and flip the lever down.  On the far right."

Ironman:  "The silver metal? or the gray metal?"

me:  "What?!  The lever - at the top right - very top - by the awning.  And then flip the arm levers."

Ironman:  "mumblemumble...here, talk to KD."

KD:  "Hey, how's it going?"

me:  "Is this a clusterPu(k or what?"

KD:  "Hey, watch your language now! Are those arms supposed to be in two pieces?"

me:  "What?!  Is he using the pull bar to pull the awning out?"

KD:  "It's not pulling out."

me:  "What do you mean?  Is the arm taken apart?  Did he flip the switch down?  Did he flip the arm up?"

background:  mumblemumble...men's voices...click...click...click...men's voices

Ironman in the background:  "It's not moving out...tell her it isn't coming out."

me:  "Tell him to flip the switch down again.  And the arms up."

KD:  "She says to flip it again..."

in the background, click...men's voices...click....click...

Ironman in the background:  "It's not...hey, you have to flip these things up...why didn't she tell me..."

me:  "I did tell him!"

KD:  "She says she did tell you.  Man, I'm telling you, if Julie told me, she probably did and that's it."

me:  "Is it extending?"

in the background:  clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick

KD:  "Yeah, it's working."

me:  "OK, once it's out you have to lock it using the levers on the inside of the arms."

KD:  "Yeah, we got it."

me:  "Have you guys got it?  Do you know what to do next?"

KD:  "Yeah, I think so."

me:  "OK, tell him to call me when he needs to retract it."

I'm awaiting a fun phone call on Sunday when Ironman is done with his relay race and everyone is exhausted.  Something involving Kentucky, our camper, a bunch of Army guys, and Bourbon(???). 

Fun times ahead....

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Of course, in his defense, I can't start the lawn mower.