I love my husband dearly. I am completely in awe of his abilities to perform small but daunting tasks (fix the broken light fixture in the hallway), larger labor-intensive jobs (remove a cabinet, plumb & install the dishwasher), craftsmanship (design & build the floor-to-ceiling bookshelves in our home) and general household maintenance (strip & paint the back deck).
But sometimes I wonder how he gets along without me.
me: "______, this is Susan."
me: "This is Susan."
me: "Oh, hi, try not to mumble next time."
Ironman: "I'm not trying to...mumblemumble...(men's voices)...how do you get the awning up?"
Ironman: "Yes, seriously...mumblemumble...I need you to talk me through it."
me: "Oh, gad, let me remember. Okay, go to the arms & unscrew the black travel locks on the back."
Ironman: mumblemumble..."Unscrew those black things!"
me: "But don't take them off! Just loosen them. Then take the hook and flip the lever down. On the far right."
Ironman: "The silver metal? or the gray metal?"
me: "What?! The lever - at the top right - very top - by the awning. And then flip the arm levers."
Ironman: "mumblemumble...here, talk to KD."
KD: "Hey, how's it going?"
me: "Is this a clusterPu(k or what?"
KD: "Hey, watch your language now! Are those arms supposed to be in two pieces?"
me: "What?! Is he using the pull bar to pull the awning out?"
KD: "It's not pulling out."
me: "What do you mean? Is the arm taken apart? Did he flip the switch down? Did he flip the arm up?"
background: mumblemumble...men's voices...click...click...click...men's voices
Ironman in the background: "It's not moving out...tell her it isn't coming out."
me: "Tell him to flip the switch down again. And the arms up."
KD: "She says to flip it again..."
in the background, click...men's voices...click....click...
Ironman in the background: "It's not...hey, you have to flip these things up...why didn't she tell me..."
me: "I did tell him!"
KD: "She says she did tell you. Man, I'm telling you, if Julie told me, she probably did and that's it."
me: "Is it extending?"
in the background: clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick
KD: "Yeah, it's working."
me: "OK, once it's out you have to lock it using the levers on the inside of the arms."
KD: "Yeah, we got it."
me: "Have you guys got it? Do you know what to do next?"
KD: "Yeah, I think so."
me: "OK, tell him to call me when he needs to retract it."
I'm awaiting a fun phone call on Sunday when Ironman is done with his relay race and everyone is exhausted. Something involving Kentucky, our camper, a bunch of Army guys, and Bourbon(???).
Fun times ahead....
Of course, in his defense, I can't start the lawn mower.